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In California, unless the parents can reach agreement between themselves, child custody disputes are referred to mandatory mediation. Mediation can either be through Family Court Services, a public agency affiliated with the court, or through private mental health professionals specially trained and certified to assist divorcing couples in resolving issues regarding their kids. |
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We will assist you in determining which path is most appropriate in your case. Typically, kids five years old and over are included in the mediation process. The child custody mediator, whether public or private, attempts to assist the couple in reaching agreements regarding their kids. If the parents can’t reach agreement, however, the mediator will make recommendations to the court, and the court will most often accept these recommendations as the basis for a court-ordered parenting plan for the divorcing couple, which will specify the circumstances under which each parent gets to make legal decisions (about such matters as education and healthcare) for the kids and the time that the kids spend with each parent. If one of the kids has a strong preference for spending time with one parent over the other, the mediator will listen, giving weight to the child’s preferences based on child’s maturity. All mediators are very good at detecting a child who has been coached in preparation for mediation. Once a parenting plan has been established, the next step is typically the determination of child support. Child support is calculated according to a mathematical formula based on three factors: Mom’s monthly income, Dad’s monthly income, and the amount of time the kids spend with each parent on a monthly basis. The challenge here is often getting definitive information as to each parent’s earnings, especially in cases in which one or both is self-employed. Like child support, spousal support (“alimony”) depends heavily on the respective monthly incomes of the parties. As a rule of thumb, marriages of ten years or less result in spousal support awards of not more than one-half the length of the marriage. Spousal support can continue much longer in cases of longer marriages. But the rule for all marriages is that the recipient of spousal support (the “supported spouse”) has an obligation to do what he or she can to become self-supporting. As noted above, community property consists of all the assets and debts accumulated by a married couple during their marriage (not including gifts and inheritances to either spouse). As part of the divorce process, the community property will be divided. (A spouse’s inheritances, gifts received, and property acquired before marriage or after separation are that spouse’s separate property, and need not be shared with the other spouse.) Unless the spouses agree otherwise, the division of the community property will be as equal as possible. This doesn’t mean that each spouse gets half of every asset and debt, but simply that the net value to each spouse (community assets awarded minus community debts assigned to each spouse) are as equal as possible. Often a spouse’s retirements (pensions or deferred compensation plans) represent a substantial part of the community property. In these cases, a big part of the job involves determining how much of the benefits or account balances were earned during the marriage, because it’s the portion earned during the marriage that is community property and must be divided. A Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) is a specialized and technical court order used to divide retirement benefits. Other special rules exits for determining and dividing the community property portion of professional practices and other small businesses, stock options, and other assets. A natural and very common question we hear is: “How much is this going to cost?” We can’t always say for certain, especially just going into a case, because we don’t yet know what issues will be involved or what kind of cooperation we’re going to get from the other side. But we can tell you this for sure: The most expensive divorce is the one in which each spouse hires a lawyer who pledges to “get tough” with the other side, and in which the lawyers battle it out in court, butting heads like over-amorous big-horn sheep. Our office offers two alternative approaches to the traditional courtroom divorce, both of which can offer clients significant savings—both financially and emotionally--as legal posturing gives way to common sense efforts to forget the past and work together for a more positive future. Confidential Mediation is a process in which the former couple meets with one of our attorneys who is specially trained as a mediator. The mediator assists the couple in working together to explore alternative solutions to the issues involved in any divorce (child custody, support and property division. In working together with the mediator to reach their own custom-made settlement, couples are not limited the choices a judge might make in their case. Instead, they’re freed from the one-size fits all approach. And if, for any reason, they conclude that the mediation process isn’t working for them, nothing that either has said during mediation can come into play in any proceedings down the road. That’s why the call it “confidential” mediation. Dave Grotewohl has completed 40 hours of special training in facilitating Confidential Mediation. Collaborative Negotiation (or “Collaborative Law”) offers the creative problem-solving approach of Confidential Mediation with a traditional twist — each party has his or her own attorney. The parties and their attorneys meet in a series of in-office meetings to address the issues involved in any divorce (child custody, support, and property division), often with the help of specially retained experts to offer assistance in financial matters, or matters concerning the children. The important difference is that the attorneys are trained to assist the parties in working toward agreement rather than doing the big-horn sheep thing, and everyone agrees in writing to avoid the courtroom, where judges who don’t know the couple or their children are required to attempt to find one-size-fits-all solution to their family issues. Dave Grotewohl has completed extensive special training in collaborative law and is a member of the Sacramento Collaborative Practice Group. For more information on Collaborative Negotiation, please visit www.divorceoption.com. A positive and common-sense approach to divorce begins with the decision that the past does not need to determine the future. When you work together with a compassionate and settlement-oriented attorney to establish an atmosphere of mutual respect and cooperation with the other side, you will begin to discover “win-win” solutions that preserve the couples dignity and, just important, their net worth, so that both can move on to successful lives after divorce. At Dave Grotewohl & Associates, our focus is on the future and ways to make it better for all concerned—Husbands, Wives and Children. "Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not."
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